I sit alone at might in my Empty bed wondering. Where I went wrong with My Life? The ache of loss and desire Rise within me. Squeezing, breathless, My mind in chaos. What did I do to deserve this, My brain screams? This living hell. Was I too nice or too mean? Was I too selfish or to generous? Silence shouts it's accusations. Anger and frustration are my calling cards. Jealousy and hate my sustenance. Pain consumes my soul, As my plastic smile greets the world. Everything is perfect, everything is fine, I repeat and repeat and repeat. No one shall know my pain, my sorrow. No one shall feel my desperation. Appearance the presumed reality. The hopeful pessimist Drowns her sorrows. Intoxication her only solace. I pray for relief from this loneliness, This hollow emptiness, that devours me. How much longer will it go on? What penance must I perform? Or is it my destiny to forever desire, But never achieve?
(previously published by Marilyn De Paula on LiteraryMagic.com)
Everything & Nothing 