“Single Women Unite!” I wanted to scream it from the rooftops as I sat alone eating lunch in the middle of a crowded restaurant. I told myself that no one was staring at me thinking, “What’s wrong with her? Doesn’t she have a boyfriend or a husband? Doesn’t she have any friends?”
I was irritated when I first entered the restaurant.
“How many?” the maitre’d asked grabbing a few menus from a stack on her podium.
I was the only one standing there. “What do you think?” I wanted to say. Instead I whispered, “Just one,” as if embarrassed about being alone. She offered to seat me at the bar, but I stated that I preferred a table after a quick glance at the uncomfortable bar stools. So there I was, seated alone at a table for two. The only single person in the restaurant. I was virtually ignored for twenty minutes before the waiter took my order. I barely had time to read two pages in the book I always have with me before my drink, salad and steak were all brought out to me at the same time. Frustrated, I tried to quickly devour my salad before my steak got cold.
“Is there anything else I can get for you?” the waiter asked me.
I lifted my napkin to my lips, trying to choke down my mouthful of food, and shook my head no. The waiter presented me with my check and vanished. This was not the first time something like this had happened to me.
I reflected on my situation. Why are single people, especially women, treated so badly? What have we done to deserve such treatment?
As a young girl, I remembered having my head filled with images of the perfect life; marriage and kids. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Snow White all had their Prince Charming. They lived “Happily Ever After,” so I knew that was what I was to strive for.
As I got older, I was taught that a well behaved young woman didn’t go out anywhere on her own, shopping being the exception. So when senior prom came along, being a well-bred young lady, I didn’t go. It was okay for the boys to go stag, but how could I. The boys weren’t going to dance with me, after all I had been snubbed.
As I got older, it became more acceptable to go out on my own, but I soon realized that single women were treated differently in public.
In restaurants, we are pushed to eat at the bar, so we don’t take up a table. The bar usually have the most uncomfortable chairs and no elbow room. If we are audacious enough to insist on a table we are rushed through our meal or totally ignored. They also seat us near the restroom or kitchen, where the foot traffic is so high, we are consistently jostled while eating our meals.
Traveling alone is also frowned upon. I remembered warnings on the news as I was growing up about single women traveling alone being kidnapped, raped and murdered. So you can understand why it took me until my thirties to actually venture out on my own.
I opted for a group tour, figuring there would be safety in numbers. Unfortunately, I discovered the “single supplement.” If a person is traveling alone on a tour, they will pair you up with another single traveler of the same sex and you share a room. I don’t know about you, but sharing a room with a total stranger is not appealing to me. Do they snore? Do they have poor personal hygiene? Do they insist on complete darkness and silence? Do they sleep in the nude? And what if there are no others traveling on their own?
The only alternative is to pay the single supplement to get your own room and you are penalized for this. Sometimes, the single traveler has to pay as much as one and a half times as much as anyone else., because they assume a single person won’t spend as much as a couple. Obviously, whoever established this fee has never seen a woman shop!
Didn’t we already fight for our equality? Do we need a modern day Susan B. Anthony or Ruth Bader Ginsburg? Yes, I would like to be in a committed relationship so I don’t have to do everything by myself, but in the meantime we need to stand up for ourselves. We need to let the world know that we are not to be pitied or looked down on and we will no longer tolerate being treated as second class citizens. But of course, if you should happen to know someone…
Everything & Nothing 